64 Comments

Crank up the volume on these, please. Even with headphones, my ex-punk rock singing (yelling) self missed half of what you said. Although I loved what I heard!

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Apr 4, 2022Liked by Rowan Mangan

THIS is what I needed. Permission. I get that sickened feeling in the inside. The “I’m not doing enough of the things.” The “Oh fuck. My creative juices are gone and I’ll never get them back” kind of nausea. I have soooo much on my shoulders right now. Thank you for the permission to give myself a fucking break.

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Apr 4, 2022Liked by Rowan Mangan

Thank you for the hard core kindness you showed yourself by cutting yourself a fucking break! And thank you for the honest vulnerability in sharing. A lot of people think that creatives are just that - creative ALL THE TIME. Turning it off and on isn't so easy and can be frightfully agonizing when it IS difficult and the on button just doesn't work.

I personally have been struggling for what seems like years to feel creativity flow back into my life. I have lots of ideas, but the execution is the issue. I am exhausted to the point of thinking that a nice coma would be a restorative vacation.

I am in a job that doesn't fulfill me and by the time I get home in the evening my batteries are dead and my own projects get shelved.

I know that one of the reasons for my exhaustion is living out of alignment with my integrity and my nature. However, what to do when you depend on that draining job to pay the bills??

It's a conundrum that I am trying to solve.

I am on the threshold of my 49th birthday and I would like to plan on my new year to be a better and more honest version of me. I am definitely tired of being tired and would like to be able to actually create again. It's a catch 22 that I have GOT to figure out this year!

Thank you Rowan :)

Cooking always makes me feel better too!

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All this! Always nice to know you aren't alone. I've been feeling deflated in my work (self employed, mum of a very lively five year old and partner to a lovely man who works very hard too) for the past 2 years and vascilating between changing careers or finding ways to make my work exciting again. Still stuck, but feels better knowing so many others feel the same when adrift in the sea of bubbly social media posts broadcasting the general state of glossy perfection that I perceive everyone else to be enjoying :D

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Apr 3, 2022Liked by Rowan Mangan

Oh my goodness if this isn't the mist relatable thing.

When I first become CEO/COO/CFO (aha, you get the point), the feeling of needing to be productive and creative all the time was really overwhelming - but also felt so imperative that finding a boundary was really hard. As you stated - going to a job where you don't have to be the vision creator, holder, strategist, executor, editor and publisher, where you can simply do your 'cog in the wheel' role and be done with it (and have a paycheck) - it takes on a whole new level of enticing. What we once felt was a kind of drudgery can almost feel like a freedom when we carry the weight of 100% responsibility for what we do.

Also, when we tie our income to our creativity, and that creativity needs to be 'liked' and validated to a certain extent not only for our survival but also for our self esteem (because let's not kid ourselves, no matter how much self love we develop we're never going to reach that ultimate 'I don't give a shit what others think this is just my thing and I love me!' place) it adds a whole new layer of complexity. Negotiating that break with all the parts of self that are being activated in this kind of career is no joke. Not to mention the fact that you have a whole LIFE outside of work that ALSO takes up bandwidth.

Giving ourselves a break, a fucking break, when we realize just how much we're carrying being content creators that create from a place of personal expression for income - I don't know that there's anything more challenging in terms of vocation.

Thank you for this reminder and for this example. I'm still learning this, 8 years on. Then there's the flip side, when you get writers flood and you can't turn it off and thus peeing becomes something you have to negotiate with whatever is pouring through you - it's like a never ending plate spinning circus act.

I've been using these last two years to slow down myself. To create what NEEDS to be made but not pushing past that - and it's been a test of my faith I tell you what. But so far, so good. Everyone still has all their limbs and that's something to always be grateful for ;)

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Apr 3, 2022Liked by Rowan Mangan

Utterly LOVE the pure, relateable honesty and authenticity of this, Ro! Thank you for allowing yourself, and now Us, permission to give ourselves a fucking break! 🔥🥰

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Apr 2, 2022Liked by Rowan Mangan

I had a similar issue yesterday but it was a disappointment in the shape of others instead of my own stuckness which happens as well. After some hardcore hustle I got out of the weeds. Then I luxuriated in my disappointment. I binge watched Atlas of the Heart and made a bowl of pasta with roasted mushrooms and tomatoes and my favorite blanket.

It takes a leap of faith that leaning into discomfort is the fastest way out, but so far it is working.

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Apr 2, 2022Liked by Rowan Mangan

Recently I had to tell myself to give me an f'ing break because I'm so disappointed and critical when my meditation practice goes south. It's insane. I will take myself to the woodshed over not living up to my self-created standards of peacefulness! Ultimately, I had to laugh. Also, I agree with the earlier comment about wanting the mushroom sauce recipe. :)

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Apr 2, 2022Liked by Rowan Mangan

Yes, we all get to this point sometimes, and you’re right, fighting it or trying to push through is, at best, a frustrating, and at worst a soul-sucking endeavor. I find that walking or just being in nature, leaving my active brain at the door, and just experiencing the sights and sounds, works best for me, (a sort of walking meditation).

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Apr 2, 2022Liked by Rowan Mangan

I am ALL IN on the self-cutting-yourself-a-fucking-break. Needed this. May tattoo the whole business somewhere prominent. Belly but backwards so I can do I quick review while I brush? Gonna workshop the idea. THANK YOU SO HAPPY YOU ARE HERE.

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Apr 2, 2022Liked by Rowan Mangan

Totally Ro, this is absolutely the way and you make this space even more wonderful by modelling that and reassuring us you'll give when you're full and rest when you're not. It's also good to know you're not a robot. 😉 Unless of course you are deep deep cover and the mission is to get the humans all chilled out and peaceful before the takeover to avoid all that sci-fi conflict cliche? In which case I look forward to the Gracious Badger robot uprising.

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Apr 2, 2022Liked by Rowan Mangan

Spot on!!

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Apr 2, 2022Liked by Rowan Mangan

I hear you!!!!

My creativity was my outlet for years, my way of checking out of the present while I worked, while I was a caregiver for my husband, while I watched him slowly die.

And now that I have nothing else pulling at me, nowhere I have to be, nowhere I have to go, and I can paint all day if I like, create, write a new book... I often can't find the energy, the spark, the drive that used to have my fingers flying over the keys, the paintbrush sailing over tiny rocks and other projects.

I'm often feeling empty.

So I recently learned to cut myself slack, and just sit with the emptiness. Just stare out at the garden, listen to audiobooks while doing absolutely nothing with my hands.

And it's okay. I'm okay.

I've given myself permission to just be, and slowly, I'm beginning to create again. And even when I'm not feeling creative, I can go to bed at night satisfied by whatever way I've spent my day, be it creating, or just being.

I hope you too find comfort in just being, and thank you for this post which let me open up and share my journey. <3 Love to you and Marty.

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Apr 2, 2022·edited Apr 2, 2022Liked by Rowan Mangan

This timing is beyond perfect. I’ve got a writing deadline on April 11–the same date the moving truck comes. I’m feeling drained by packing and good-byes after 23 years in this amazing home. But yes, I am giving myself all of the breaks. I had a 2 hour massage and Reiki treatment yesterday and the message that came through? “Level up.” Stepping right into a new adventure of life and I’m so excited! I’ll meet my writing deadline, the house will get packed, and I’ll make some amazing experiences along the way. Thanks for the reminder right this minute to not get stuck in the muck. (I think “level up” literally came right from the Write Into Light prompt when I created a video game character. 2019 WIL alum and can’t thank you and the team enough for that class!)

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Apr 2, 2022Liked by Rowan Mangan

I do your beautiful life partner’s allow meditation daily. It helps. I hope your juju doesn’t stay away long. It’s perhaps waiting for you in the forest and will return on a walk with your lil one 🥰

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Apr 2, 2022Liked by Rowan Mangan

I love this timing- I had Alexa play the theme song for the show Gimme A Break for my momma last night! We played it through a few times singing loud enough to make the dog tilt her lil Pomeranian head.

Thank you for sharing this because I get SO down on myself for not producing creatively. When you feel it’s your purpose in life, it gets messy inside.

If it makes you feel better, I never know what day it is- I mean for real. I only know it’s Saturday because beau is in the living room reading the paper. So as a listener and a reader it’s always a delightful surprise when you pop in!

I also now have a desire to rewatch the sopranos. Tony Soprano (minus the really bad stuff) reminds me so much of my Daddio. It’s been several years now since my Dad made his too early transition. I think it’s time.

Thank you.

P.S. I can’t help but wonder, will we be getting some recipes in this newsletter…That mushroom steak sauce recipe is making me hungry and it’s barely after 9am.

Of course, do not add that to any list. It’s only if the muse fills you!

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