Aug 23, 2022·edited Aug 23, 2022Liked by Rowan Mangan
Thank you for this, Ro!
I became obsessed (obsessed!) earlier this year with buying a flat in London. I’ve had a very rough pandemic and rather than give myself the soft time I need to recuperate and work through my feelings around it all, I wanted to ACHIEVE SOMETHING SOLID so I can PUT IT ALL IN THE DAMN PAST!
Stop signs I blew through included:
- the service charge in the building I wanted to buy in skyrocketing, making the purchase totally unaffordable
- the flat I set my sights on turning out to be so hot (even in cool weather) that I was dripping sweat so much I almost took my T-shirt off to mop my brow during a ten minute viewing
- feeling so stressed I became tearful every time I thought about my “exciting flat purchase”
- my mortgage broker vanishing into thin air right after I sent him all my financials
I finally surrendered when I realised that letting go of the idea of buying this year made my body cave in with relief. Still hope it’ll happen one day when the time is right. Or something better. Whatever. I’m going to try and hold out for some green lights this time.
This experience is SO familiar to me. Classic culture over nature, right? LOOK, I AM A FUNCTIONING ADULT. I made a huge decision that it will be very hard to back out of!
Well done for seeing those stop signs in time. It's so funny in retrospect how many it's possible to ignore, right? I'm quite sure that your perfect home is waiting for you in the future and pushing stop signs into your path now so that you don't miss out on it. It's looking forward to meeting you.
And I'm looking forward to seeing you next time we're sharing a continent xoxoxoxoxox
1) I adore you and while I've been quiet for awhile, it's largely because I've blown through too many stop signs myself and have needed to (to quote the Indigo Girls) "learn to yield."
2) While I was pregnant I had a poignant conversation with my cousin who mentioned how excited she was for me to experience the rhythm of nature again rather than the rhythm of business. I've been operating from that soundtrack for awhile now, so returning to the soundtrack and pacing of nature (a big theme I know) felt scary but powerful.
3) In all seriousness, when/if the timing feels right, I LOVE building sites (some of that admin work to me feels really rewarding) and would happily help/contribute for free. It feels like the building of the creative community could be sourced by it as well. ;-)
Aww, thanks lovely! Rhythms of nature are SO what it's all about. I love feeling the seasons change and I'm so grateful to be in a part of the world where that really registers. My soul loves it.
At some point the time will be right for the Creativity Collective—thank you so much for your offer. We'll get there! xoxo
I will always wait for as long as it takes to read a post from you Ro. There is something about your writing style that settles me. Also, good god that child of yours is cute!
First, it's so amazing that you saw it and actually stopped. So so so many people spend their entire lives racing forward, trying to achieve, create and become - only to get to the end of life realizing they missed it. All that they were working for was there, and in the working for it they actually blocked their own experience of it. Our culture is so addicted to maximalism at all costs - never taking a step back to ask what we're doing it for. Expansion for expansion's sake isn't gunna bring us joy. The expansion has to serve a purpose - giving us more time to enjoy the people and things we enjoy.
I feel like our culture in general has lost the plot on this. Turning productivity and forward momentum into a virtue - a thing to be or strive for in and of itself. This is totally ridiculous when you look at it - but it's been so tied to our feeling of goodness, acceptability and therefore safety, I feel like it's easy to feel like stopping will mean certain death. Loss. Rejection. So we push until we break or until it's too late to see it.
I've lived this way most of my life too. Some for me was necessity - I was sick and sensitive and no one was coming for me. I learned to push towards expansion at all costs because for a while I had to. I pushed past all stop signs especially the physical ones because I was convinced that not doing so would mean…??? Never getting out. Never having a life worth living. Never helping. Never offering anything.
But then I started to achieve safety and pleasure and that's when I had to reevaluate. I had to examine my relationship with sacrifice - sacrificing the now for a future better. I had to realize what you did - there was always going to be another horizon. I was never gunna get it done. And if I couldn't enjoy the path, well, what else was there? The whole dang thing is 'on the way there.' Because the ultimate 'there' doesn't exist. I had to stop letting the mini 'theres' trick me into bypassing the big path. I had to assess what ends were worth it and what ends just meant I never had peace.
I love that your little one is there to help remind you. It's nice when the sign is a beautiful pitstop to see and not a pothole ;)
Taking these moments to realize that life is short and these special moments never come again, but it's also long and just because you can't live every lifetime all at once, doesn't mean there won't come a phase in the future where you can have a few of them.
Loving this and loving you Ro. Thank you for all you share with us, potent reminders.
Thank you for modelling your ‘self-care’ inventure with Stop Signs. I am sad for everyone who was ready to launch with you & relieved for myself & you. I was recently diagnosed with ME/CFS & was amazed & a bit intimidated at how much you are able to do when you mentioned you have a chronic illness too. Your capacities gave me hope & were a little intimidating. Comparison is a killer, right? I knew I would not be able to join in your creative inventure this season, however much I want to. So much fomo.
Stop signs for me are a kind of hectic, achey, ‘tired & wired’ feeling. When I push myself I sometimes feel the energy leaking away like sand sliding faster through an hour glass, or a the air from a punctured tire. That’s when the Shoulds start: “I should have the energy to do this, I should meet my commitments, I should know better than to overcommit”. , I’m learning to respond with, “hang on, I SHOULD respect my natural limits, even when chasing my dreams, & other people should respect the boundary of my health & wellbeing”.
Keep on being & we’re here for more Inventures as & when you can. The season here in Melbourne is still wintry despite the first blossom appearing on trees this week, and likely to be blown or washed away. Enjoy your autumn.
ME/CFS is my gig too, Michelle. Fun, isn't it. 😩 I'm lucky that at this stage it isn't constant for me and just happens in flare ups when I don't take care of myself (and don't look out for those damn stop signs!). I hope that's in your future too, if not your present.
The "I SHOULD have the energy to..." is so so so evil. And have you noticed that it also sucks what little energy you have? I talk to Marty a lot about the "Tyranny of the Healthy" and "health privilege". I know a lot of people who have never had to question their health, strength, constitution or physical energy. There's a tendency to treat health and energy as some kind of moral virtue instead of a lucky break. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY CAN YOU TELL?
Give wintery Melbourne such a big hug for me. Just imagining those blossoms makes me feel like I'm on a tram passing Edinburgh Gardens on my way to Brunswick Street for a coffee.
Take care of yourself and know that you SHOULD lie down now. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Thank you. Health privilege & the belief that you control your health, rather than influence it, and the moral value attached to being ‘healthy’ or at least robust & undemanding drive me mad too. Even before hitting my own limits. Have you ever noticed how hard it is to contribute if you can’t “give 110%”? Not because of our biological limits, but because of ableism. Phew! Brunswick St says ‘hi’.
My collaborator/co-creator/anam cara and I work together like this all the time - whatever feels right is what we do until it doesn't...and then we just stop til the pivot comes.
When the buzz of creativity gives way to the dragging weight of 'should', we know to stop and reassess.
It's class! We've created a whole new career in improvised theatre making by tracking and trusting our instincts, and I get to live creatively too. As the outer work is also the inner work, stopping til the pivot comes in life doesn't seem that scary anymore as I'm used to the uncertainty... still adept to blow through the first few stop signs, though!
I call these "Dangerous Will Robinson" moments. Your Beloveds, Karen and Marty, might recall Lost in Space where a robot needed to remind the humans they were in danger by flailing it's arms and proclaiming that there is peril up ahead. Yes, I understand completely; I've been there, too. I'll probably be there again, but next time, I hope that at the first stop I cease to move in that direction. There lie other pathways, mostly inward, and then onward. Thank you, Gracious Badger. Your wisdom supports us all.
Ro, I smiled the whole time reading this.....only because I also blew my stop signs and ended up with a head full of chaos this last week. I had too many projects I wanted to do, I was reading faster than I could fully process and I was losing my presence with my girls. Today...is reset day. I hit a point where I had made my TO DO list WAY too long and I added unnecessary stressors. My girls are a good indicator if I have gone past a stop sign. They start to react and mirror the fact that I am not quite fully in the room, that is when I have to clean it up. I bring it back to the basics, revisit my top three values in life. I prioritize quiet and silence with myself so I can really listen. I do think my mindfulness practice has helped me maintain boundaries and see the stop signs with enough time to slow my gate. Although, I have my days.
I was so looking forward to the creativity collective. But I absolutely understand the logistics! I will be sharing my creative projects on my newsletter, so you will get some thoughts and progress from me regardless of a new fancy space....honestly, substack has been becoming a community or collective within itself for me. I am thankful you help just bring me here.
Your little human is just wonderful. I wish you all the snuggles and love. And a little bit less laundry from potty training!
Fascinating that you know your kids can show you that. I think I had some of the same going on but didn't recognize it as a stop sign until right now!
That's what I think about the CC too - it was taking me away from this, and i really feel that substack has to be the first creative home. Then when things calm down a bit here I can launch it as a bigger, better, sexier space and all will be amazing. Sending such hugs!
It is something Ive become aware of over the course of the last two years. I was in such a terrible place with postpartum that as I got better, my relationship with my children got better. The health of our family revolves around good communication and healthy boundaries, of which I had none. As I started meeting my own needs I was able to see and meet their needs. Over time, I saw a direct correlation to how well I was interacting and their behavior.
I am actually now looking forward to what will come of the fall and winter knowing I am working on and towards something here. I tend to go a little darker in the winter and I hope to curb some of that this year with things that bring me joy on a daily and weekly basis....like substack :)
Soooo get this Ro! Last time I had time to read and comment I was in a similar position - needing the effing stop sign.
I want all these lovely expansive dreams as the reality is pretty hard right now (as was then with divorce court papers coming through while in bed with Covid).
I was so proud of myself for getting all the mortgage application docs together and spent a little bit longer than I should have planning the meditation offering at work, when I was supposed to getting organised for going on holiday……
turned out not only my passport, but drivers licence have expired (first uk licence, had no idea). We can’t proceed and won’t be able to for about a month as I don’t have a uk passport. I am FREAKING out with being so far out of my comfort zone as mortgages, houses you may not be able to afford, child and pets, were a lot easier with a husband. It’s been 4.5 years since marriage implosion so think I’m just falling at the last hurdle(s). I forget I can do this- it’s just big scary financial decisions or more like delays that are flipping me out. Thanks for reminding me what’s important- going on holiday and being present with my boy! (I have checked today that no one’s ever died from remortgaging!)
I shall take the stop sign and come back with a clear, sensible, competent head! And prioritise getting this bloody long drawn out thing over the line before anymore big dreams 😂😂😂😂
Thanks Ro. Bawling my eyes out on the phone- twice- in a busy Post Office today was a low point. But I’ve found some high points today. The glasses sales person going to the optometrist with my exact frames after I went to see if they could fix them the day before hols (and was taking so long in the post office), the absolutely unprecedented koala bear cuddles I got from my cat at the vet, and sitting outside while dragonflies dart around the sunset.
AND seeing Liz is joining you on Bewildered! I kept getting ‘you will lose all your money’ last night and took a while to realise it was from EPL. That book was the start of the journey that led to me to my husband. I was looking for love, not the crying on the floor on divorce 🤣🤣🤣. I think I need to re-read it!
Martha’s surrender gathering room with regard to Lila’s potty training has also been helpful this week.
Thanks to you all for showing up with the right messages just when I need them!!!
I can relate AND I love that you recognize raising Lila as your greatest creative project. I recently had to STOP to see along my 19 year old (one of my greatest creative projects) who was also needing love and attention through a big transition. And now that the light is turning yellow, you are reminding me to wait and watch for green lights... Thank you
What sweetness! I ignored stress signs in my body for years trying to make a relationship work because “she’s family” that led to me ending up in the hospital due to the stress. When I lay there watching tv with a morophine drip and it occurred to me that “this” felt like more fun than the meeting with my relative …I saw the flashing STOP . This striving to make someone else happy was killing me and if they aren’t happy now with all my relational tap dancing to satisfy them… then they never will. I’m relearning how to love myself and listen to myself more closely than to the outside chatter that steals my health, happiness and sanity!
❤️❤️❤️ thank you for sharing this - very relatable, very real - and that big pot of nourishing goodness sounds like just the ticket. Big love to you Ro! xo
I often think of you at these moments... you seem to make the consistency EFFORTLESS. How do you do that?! It's reassuring to know that you can relate to this, though! Drop by for some soup sometime! ❤︎
I am happy that you’re making the decision that’s right for you.
I’m. curious to your thoughts about stories we always hear about receiving a gajillion rejections and still carrying on (books like The Alchemist and Harry Potter come to mind)..
I think about this a lot- the challenges that are stop signs from our soul versus stop signs that don’t really belong to us- signs we’re meant to run right through.
I would love to hear some tricks as to how to figure that out.
UGH the rejections. The getting the rejections happens reliably. The carrying on happens intermittently! It's a pretty good idea to write about, but I think the best vantage point to write about rejections is probably from the point AFTER you've had one acceptance! Then it can be funny instead of just tiring 🤪
In other words: If I figure it out I'll let you know!! 😂
And how great it feels when we STOP. Exactly what I needed to be reminded of right now. I was telling friends that I feel busier right now than when I had a 2-year-old, a newborn and was building my startup as the main rainmaker leading 10 employees. I regret the hustle of that time and reading this reminded me that I can put up the STOP sign and experience peace, space and things of my choosing. I can let go of what I think is a good ideas and has an element of fun but is not right for me right now. Thanks Ro.
Enjoyed your newsletter as always! I have a sticky note by my desk with helpful phrases. I change them out from time to time. In the past month or so, I added, "You can stop. Arrest. A-rest. S’arrêter. To come to a halt." A loved one had been arrested by the police a couple months prior and was lamenting that the arrest seemed so unfair when perhaps the cops could have just had a chat with him (probably true), and I remember saying, "Well, to arrest technically means 'to stop.' " And feeling so badly I wanted him to stop hurting and getting in trouble for trying to stop the hurting ... and felt my own desire to arrest myself and slow things down, too.
Wonderfully expressed. Had to walk away from my printer this week when it wouldn't print (you have ONE job) and when I unplugged it and plugged it back in, AND gave it some time, it beautifully printed out - (in color and double-sided) what I asked for.
Thank you for this, Ro!
I became obsessed (obsessed!) earlier this year with buying a flat in London. I’ve had a very rough pandemic and rather than give myself the soft time I need to recuperate and work through my feelings around it all, I wanted to ACHIEVE SOMETHING SOLID so I can PUT IT ALL IN THE DAMN PAST!
Stop signs I blew through included:
- the service charge in the building I wanted to buy in skyrocketing, making the purchase totally unaffordable
- the flat I set my sights on turning out to be so hot (even in cool weather) that I was dripping sweat so much I almost took my T-shirt off to mop my brow during a ten minute viewing
- feeling so stressed I became tearful every time I thought about my “exciting flat purchase”
- my mortgage broker vanishing into thin air right after I sent him all my financials
I finally surrendered when I realised that letting go of the idea of buying this year made my body cave in with relief. Still hope it’ll happen one day when the time is right. Or something better. Whatever. I’m going to try and hold out for some green lights this time.
Much love xxx
ROSE! So wonderful to see you here, my friend!
This experience is SO familiar to me. Classic culture over nature, right? LOOK, I AM A FUNCTIONING ADULT. I made a huge decision that it will be very hard to back out of!
Well done for seeing those stop signs in time. It's so funny in retrospect how many it's possible to ignore, right? I'm quite sure that your perfect home is waiting for you in the future and pushing stop signs into your path now so that you don't miss out on it. It's looking forward to meeting you.
And I'm looking forward to seeing you next time we're sharing a continent xoxoxoxoxox
HELLO RO! I love this perspective, thank you so much. Future home/real Home took the reins, to safeguard my brightest future.
I’m thrilled to be here. And looking forward to seeing you too. Much love xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
1) I adore you and while I've been quiet for awhile, it's largely because I've blown through too many stop signs myself and have needed to (to quote the Indigo Girls) "learn to yield."
2) While I was pregnant I had a poignant conversation with my cousin who mentioned how excited she was for me to experience the rhythm of nature again rather than the rhythm of business. I've been operating from that soundtrack for awhile now, so returning to the soundtrack and pacing of nature (a big theme I know) felt scary but powerful.
3) In all seriousness, when/if the timing feels right, I LOVE building sites (some of that admin work to me feels really rewarding) and would happily help/contribute for free. It feels like the building of the creative community could be sourced by it as well. ;-)
Aww, thanks lovely! Rhythms of nature are SO what it's all about. I love feeling the seasons change and I'm so grateful to be in a part of the world where that really registers. My soul loves it.
At some point the time will be right for the Creativity Collective—thank you so much for your offer. We'll get there! xoxo
I will always wait for as long as it takes to read a post from you Ro. There is something about your writing style that settles me. Also, good god that child of yours is cute!
Thanks so much, lovely! I KNOW SHE'S OUT OF CONTROL. I can't handle it.
Wow I couldn't identify with this more.
First, it's so amazing that you saw it and actually stopped. So so so many people spend their entire lives racing forward, trying to achieve, create and become - only to get to the end of life realizing they missed it. All that they were working for was there, and in the working for it they actually blocked their own experience of it. Our culture is so addicted to maximalism at all costs - never taking a step back to ask what we're doing it for. Expansion for expansion's sake isn't gunna bring us joy. The expansion has to serve a purpose - giving us more time to enjoy the people and things we enjoy.
I feel like our culture in general has lost the plot on this. Turning productivity and forward momentum into a virtue - a thing to be or strive for in and of itself. This is totally ridiculous when you look at it - but it's been so tied to our feeling of goodness, acceptability and therefore safety, I feel like it's easy to feel like stopping will mean certain death. Loss. Rejection. So we push until we break or until it's too late to see it.
I've lived this way most of my life too. Some for me was necessity - I was sick and sensitive and no one was coming for me. I learned to push towards expansion at all costs because for a while I had to. I pushed past all stop signs especially the physical ones because I was convinced that not doing so would mean…??? Never getting out. Never having a life worth living. Never helping. Never offering anything.
But then I started to achieve safety and pleasure and that's when I had to reevaluate. I had to examine my relationship with sacrifice - sacrificing the now for a future better. I had to realize what you did - there was always going to be another horizon. I was never gunna get it done. And if I couldn't enjoy the path, well, what else was there? The whole dang thing is 'on the way there.' Because the ultimate 'there' doesn't exist. I had to stop letting the mini 'theres' trick me into bypassing the big path. I had to assess what ends were worth it and what ends just meant I never had peace.
I love that your little one is there to help remind you. It's nice when the sign is a beautiful pitstop to see and not a pothole ;)
Taking these moments to realize that life is short and these special moments never come again, but it's also long and just because you can't live every lifetime all at once, doesn't mean there won't come a phase in the future where you can have a few of them.
Loving this and loving you Ro. Thank you for all you share with us, potent reminders.
Also, she is just beyond, beyond precious <3
Yep. You get it. There's no goddamn there there.
Hi Row & other Inventurers,
Thank you for modelling your ‘self-care’ inventure with Stop Signs. I am sad for everyone who was ready to launch with you & relieved for myself & you. I was recently diagnosed with ME/CFS & was amazed & a bit intimidated at how much you are able to do when you mentioned you have a chronic illness too. Your capacities gave me hope & were a little intimidating. Comparison is a killer, right? I knew I would not be able to join in your creative inventure this season, however much I want to. So much fomo.
Stop signs for me are a kind of hectic, achey, ‘tired & wired’ feeling. When I push myself I sometimes feel the energy leaking away like sand sliding faster through an hour glass, or a the air from a punctured tire. That’s when the Shoulds start: “I should have the energy to do this, I should meet my commitments, I should know better than to overcommit”. , I’m learning to respond with, “hang on, I SHOULD respect my natural limits, even when chasing my dreams, & other people should respect the boundary of my health & wellbeing”.
Keep on being & we’re here for more Inventures as & when you can. The season here in Melbourne is still wintry despite the first blossom appearing on trees this week, and likely to be blown or washed away. Enjoy your autumn.
ME/CFS is my gig too, Michelle. Fun, isn't it. 😩 I'm lucky that at this stage it isn't constant for me and just happens in flare ups when I don't take care of myself (and don't look out for those damn stop signs!). I hope that's in your future too, if not your present.
The "I SHOULD have the energy to..." is so so so evil. And have you noticed that it also sucks what little energy you have? I talk to Marty a lot about the "Tyranny of the Healthy" and "health privilege". I know a lot of people who have never had to question their health, strength, constitution or physical energy. There's a tendency to treat health and energy as some kind of moral virtue instead of a lucky break. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY CAN YOU TELL?
Give wintery Melbourne such a big hug for me. Just imagining those blossoms makes me feel like I'm on a tram passing Edinburgh Gardens on my way to Brunswick Street for a coffee.
Take care of yourself and know that you SHOULD lie down now. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Thank you. Health privilege & the belief that you control your health, rather than influence it, and the moral value attached to being ‘healthy’ or at least robust & undemanding drive me mad too. Even before hitting my own limits. Have you ever noticed how hard it is to contribute if you can’t “give 110%”? Not because of our biological limits, but because of ableism. Phew! Brunswick St says ‘hi’.
Thank you so much for this!
My collaborator/co-creator/anam cara and I work together like this all the time - whatever feels right is what we do until it doesn't...and then we just stop til the pivot comes.
When the buzz of creativity gives way to the dragging weight of 'should', we know to stop and reassess.
It's class! We've created a whole new career in improvised theatre making by tracking and trusting our instincts, and I get to live creatively too. As the outer work is also the inner work, stopping til the pivot comes in life doesn't seem that scary anymore as I'm used to the uncertainty... still adept to blow through the first few stop signs, though!
I love this! Thanks so much for sharing. ❤️
☺
I call these "Dangerous Will Robinson" moments. Your Beloveds, Karen and Marty, might recall Lost in Space where a robot needed to remind the humans they were in danger by flailing it's arms and proclaiming that there is peril up ahead. Yes, I understand completely; I've been there, too. I'll probably be there again, but next time, I hope that at the first stop I cease to move in that direction. There lie other pathways, mostly inward, and then onward. Thank you, Gracious Badger. Your wisdom supports us all.
Ro, I smiled the whole time reading this.....only because I also blew my stop signs and ended up with a head full of chaos this last week. I had too many projects I wanted to do, I was reading faster than I could fully process and I was losing my presence with my girls. Today...is reset day. I hit a point where I had made my TO DO list WAY too long and I added unnecessary stressors. My girls are a good indicator if I have gone past a stop sign. They start to react and mirror the fact that I am not quite fully in the room, that is when I have to clean it up. I bring it back to the basics, revisit my top three values in life. I prioritize quiet and silence with myself so I can really listen. I do think my mindfulness practice has helped me maintain boundaries and see the stop signs with enough time to slow my gate. Although, I have my days.
I was so looking forward to the creativity collective. But I absolutely understand the logistics! I will be sharing my creative projects on my newsletter, so you will get some thoughts and progress from me regardless of a new fancy space....honestly, substack has been becoming a community or collective within itself for me. I am thankful you help just bring me here.
Your little human is just wonderful. I wish you all the snuggles and love. And a little bit less laundry from potty training!
With kindness,
Rae
Fascinating that you know your kids can show you that. I think I had some of the same going on but didn't recognize it as a stop sign until right now!
That's what I think about the CC too - it was taking me away from this, and i really feel that substack has to be the first creative home. Then when things calm down a bit here I can launch it as a bigger, better, sexier space and all will be amazing. Sending such hugs!
It is something Ive become aware of over the course of the last two years. I was in such a terrible place with postpartum that as I got better, my relationship with my children got better. The health of our family revolves around good communication and healthy boundaries, of which I had none. As I started meeting my own needs I was able to see and meet their needs. Over time, I saw a direct correlation to how well I was interacting and their behavior.
I am actually now looking forward to what will come of the fall and winter knowing I am working on and towards something here. I tend to go a little darker in the winter and I hope to curb some of that this year with things that bring me joy on a daily and weekly basis....like substack :)
Sending big hugs back!
Soooo get this Ro! Last time I had time to read and comment I was in a similar position - needing the effing stop sign.
I want all these lovely expansive dreams as the reality is pretty hard right now (as was then with divorce court papers coming through while in bed with Covid).
I was so proud of myself for getting all the mortgage application docs together and spent a little bit longer than I should have planning the meditation offering at work, when I was supposed to getting organised for going on holiday……
turned out not only my passport, but drivers licence have expired (first uk licence, had no idea). We can’t proceed and won’t be able to for about a month as I don’t have a uk passport. I am FREAKING out with being so far out of my comfort zone as mortgages, houses you may not be able to afford, child and pets, were a lot easier with a husband. It’s been 4.5 years since marriage implosion so think I’m just falling at the last hurdle(s). I forget I can do this- it’s just big scary financial decisions or more like delays that are flipping me out. Thanks for reminding me what’s important- going on holiday and being present with my boy! (I have checked today that no one’s ever died from remortgaging!)
I shall take the stop sign and come back with a clear, sensible, competent head! And prioritise getting this bloody long drawn out thing over the line before anymore big dreams 😂😂😂😂
Oh Rachel. That is a perfect storm indeed. I promise, you've got this. You've got this. You've got this. HUGS.
Thanks Ro. Bawling my eyes out on the phone- twice- in a busy Post Office today was a low point. But I’ve found some high points today. The glasses sales person going to the optometrist with my exact frames after I went to see if they could fix them the day before hols (and was taking so long in the post office), the absolutely unprecedented koala bear cuddles I got from my cat at the vet, and sitting outside while dragonflies dart around the sunset.
AND seeing Liz is joining you on Bewildered! I kept getting ‘you will lose all your money’ last night and took a while to realise it was from EPL. That book was the start of the journey that led to me to my husband. I was looking for love, not the crying on the floor on divorce 🤣🤣🤣. I think I need to re-read it!
Martha’s surrender gathering room with regard to Lila’s potty training has also been helpful this week.
Thanks to you all for showing up with the right messages just when I need them!!!
You CAN and you ARE <3 Sending you a huge hug <3
Thanks Aliyah- I really needed this today! ❤️🙏❤️
<3 <3 <3
I can relate AND I love that you recognize raising Lila as your greatest creative project. I recently had to STOP to see along my 19 year old (one of my greatest creative projects) who was also needing love and attention through a big transition. And now that the light is turning yellow, you are reminding me to wait and watch for green lights... Thank you
Aww, thanks Christie. What a great mom you are. HUGS.
What sweetness! I ignored stress signs in my body for years trying to make a relationship work because “she’s family” that led to me ending up in the hospital due to the stress. When I lay there watching tv with a morophine drip and it occurred to me that “this” felt like more fun than the meeting with my relative …I saw the flashing STOP . This striving to make someone else happy was killing me and if they aren’t happy now with all my relational tap dancing to satisfy them… then they never will. I’m relearning how to love myself and listen to myself more closely than to the outside chatter that steals my health, happiness and sanity!
Oof, that's so hard, Rhonda. When TV in hospital starts looking good, you know there are some changes to be made! WELL DONE. So much strength.
❤️❤️❤️ thank you for sharing this - very relatable, very real - and that big pot of nourishing goodness sounds like just the ticket. Big love to you Ro! xo
I often think of you at these moments... you seem to make the consistency EFFORTLESS. How do you do that?! It's reassuring to know that you can relate to this, though! Drop by for some soup sometime! ❤︎
I am happy that you’re making the decision that’s right for you.
I’m. curious to your thoughts about stories we always hear about receiving a gajillion rejections and still carrying on (books like The Alchemist and Harry Potter come to mind)..
I think about this a lot- the challenges that are stop signs from our soul versus stop signs that don’t really belong to us- signs we’re meant to run right through.
I would love to hear some tricks as to how to figure that out.
UGH the rejections. The getting the rejections happens reliably. The carrying on happens intermittently! It's a pretty good idea to write about, but I think the best vantage point to write about rejections is probably from the point AFTER you've had one acceptance! Then it can be funny instead of just tiring 🤪
In other words: If I figure it out I'll let you know!! 😂
You will write that one day, I’m sure
And how great it feels when we STOP. Exactly what I needed to be reminded of right now. I was telling friends that I feel busier right now than when I had a 2-year-old, a newborn and was building my startup as the main rainmaker leading 10 employees. I regret the hustle of that time and reading this reminded me that I can put up the STOP sign and experience peace, space and things of my choosing. I can let go of what I think is a good ideas and has an element of fun but is not right for me right now. Thanks Ro.
Exactly! Ugh, the hustle is so evil and it sounds like you really went for it! Aren't words like peace and space AMAZING? xo
Enjoyed your newsletter as always! I have a sticky note by my desk with helpful phrases. I change them out from time to time. In the past month or so, I added, "You can stop. Arrest. A-rest. S’arrêter. To come to a halt." A loved one had been arrested by the police a couple months prior and was lamenting that the arrest seemed so unfair when perhaps the cops could have just had a chat with him (probably true), and I remember saying, "Well, to arrest technically means 'to stop.' " And feeling so badly I wanted him to stop hurting and getting in trouble for trying to stop the hurting ... and felt my own desire to arrest myself and slow things down, too.
Oh, I love this, Kathleen. To be under a rest is exactly where I need to be right now! I need a sticky note too. Hugs!
Wonderfully expressed. Had to walk away from my printer this week when it wouldn't print (you have ONE job) and when I unplugged it and plugged it back in, AND gave it some time, it beautifully printed out - (in color and double-sided) what I asked for.
Hahahaha, love the ONE JOB. The machines, they do get flustered, don't they? We all need to reset. ❤️