Blowing past stop signs 🛑
How I'm (still) learning how much is too much
Dear friends,
I have a few “Oops, I did it again” patterns that play out repeatedly in my life. One of them is dreaming big, overcommitting, and finding myself greedily trying to squeeze two or three lives into the space of this one lifetime I’ve been given.
Luckily, I’m starting to learn to read my own personal “stop signs” when they present themselves.
Most recently, I decided to build a creative co-working community online. It was a sexy dream and I still want to do it. But while I was throwing hours into planning and trying to exceed my own technical capacities, I had forgotten something.
This isn’t creativity. This is admin. This is stress.
I’ll admit that I missed the first few Stop Signs. When the quote for the website build was beyond my budget. When I had a little relapse of chronic illness. When I couldn’t seem to concentrate on writing the copy.
But last week, when the technicals flat-out wouldn’t work, and a supposedly simple tweak had stumped not just me but three knowledgeable colleagues and a software help desk, I finally looked up and saw the sign.
STOP, Ro, for the love of all that is holy. STOP.
Meanwhile, my most important creative project ever is in the midst of potty training, is about to start preschool, is needing a lot of love and attention while she deals with some big transitions.
So I turned away from stress and towards home. As I did so, I felt the tug that comes with the season’s turning—my expansive summer mood is starting to tilt towards the more inward months ahead.
I’m feeling the urge to cook a big pot of something hearty and nourishing. I want to be present with Lila in moments like this one, which just happened: she came running (pantsless) across the patio to tell me about a spider she’d found. “There it is!” She pointed with her pudgy little finger at a daddy long legs on the wall of the house and I’m floored by the moment’s straightforward perfection.
“There it is!”
Folks, it was there all along. I just wasn’t watching for it as I blew through stop sign after stop sign. And what’s daring in springtime starts to look downright dangerous as fall approaches. I can’t afford to keep missing these moments. Got to slow down, come to a complete stop. Got to look carefully around me before I hit the accelerator again.
The long and short of all this is that I won’t be offering the Creativity Collective this year. I do intend to create it at some future point, because I know that it’s going to be a total blast and I’m going to love sharing space/time/energy with y’all. But I’m going to wait and watch for green lights.
Thanks for bearing with me last week when you didn’t get a letter. I’m back now!
I want to hear about the stop signs you’ve experienced in your life. How do they show up for you? Are you getting better at spotting them?
Love,
Ro
I’m recommending
This beautiful conversation featuring deep ecologist Jenny O’Hare, who I admire so much. Jenny, Niall Graham and Sinead Gallagher talk about the notion of belonging—a subject that needs so much attention in this strange and often isolating time.
There are so many gems from this conversation, but one that has stuck with me is Jenny saying
“If we’re not paying attention to the world around us, we can’t be in relationship with that world.”
She also quotes the poet John O’Donohue’s stunning line:
To be alive is to be suffused with longing.
Please do yourselves a favor and go listen to this sumptuous conversation. You should also follow Jenny’s wonderful Instagram account, and if you’re in Ireland, keep an eye out for her workshops.
Your beautiful voices
I always love reading your comments; thank you all for being part of this community.
Have you subscribed to Rae’s wonderful Substack, “Creative Human Healing,” yet?
Gemma has also just launched a fantastic Substack publication called “Choose Your Fork.” Subscribe away!
Meme Corner
(I know y’all only love me for my memes 😜)
Thank you for this, Ro!
I became obsessed (obsessed!) earlier this year with buying a flat in London. I’ve had a very rough pandemic and rather than give myself the soft time I need to recuperate and work through my feelings around it all, I wanted to ACHIEVE SOMETHING SOLID so I can PUT IT ALL IN THE DAMN PAST!
Stop signs I blew through included:
- the service charge in the building I wanted to buy in skyrocketing, making the purchase totally unaffordable
- the flat I set my sights on turning out to be so hot (even in cool weather) that I was dripping sweat so much I almost took my T-shirt off to mop my brow during a ten minute viewing
- feeling so stressed I became tearful every time I thought about my “exciting flat purchase”
- my mortgage broker vanishing into thin air right after I sent him all my financials
I finally surrendered when I realised that letting go of the idea of buying this year made my body cave in with relief. Still hope it’ll happen one day when the time is right. Or something better. Whatever. I’m going to try and hold out for some green lights this time.
Much love xxx
1) I adore you and while I've been quiet for awhile, it's largely because I've blown through too many stop signs myself and have needed to (to quote the Indigo Girls) "learn to yield."
2) While I was pregnant I had a poignant conversation with my cousin who mentioned how excited she was for me to experience the rhythm of nature again rather than the rhythm of business. I've been operating from that soundtrack for awhile now, so returning to the soundtrack and pacing of nature (a big theme I know) felt scary but powerful.
3) In all seriousness, when/if the timing feels right, I LOVE building sites (some of that admin work to me feels really rewarding) and would happily help/contribute for free. It feels like the building of the creative community could be sourced by it as well. ;-)