First off, it's so good to hear that you're ok. That you're getting the support you need both medically, and that you had the TIME and SPACE to be able to slow down and take the rest you needed with all of this. I truly wish the whole world was safe enough for that - and you are so worthy of that safety.
Second, consistency in nature just doesn't exist - and isn't that reality one of the things that strikes the MOST fear into us as humans?
For all of human history, it's been the unknown, the change, the threat we didn't see coming, the drought following the harvest, the storm, the 'other tribe' that has caused us SO much of our pain and suffering. That quest we all have to find something settled, something permanent, something we can PREDICT and be ok within - it's us trying to find safety where safety can never, ever exist.
As 'evolving' humans, we've created SO many systems and structures that DO provide some semblance of consistency - we've figured out crop growing, shelter, weather prediction and so many other things that HAVE led to a sense of stasis where we can feel safe. But we've never been able to engineer change and the threat of that change out of our experience. And this is constantly lurking in the back or front of our minds, triggering us every time our plans get shaken.
I think in a lot of ways, when we try to make OURSELVES consistent - when we look for our 'personalities' or when we try to find that ONE CAREER that we can do forever or when we try to be the same socially all the time - we're looking to find some form of security within ourselves. We're trying to make ourselves that safe place of predictability we haven't been able to find 'out there.' We can even see that people will seek out unhealthy relationships and circumstances over healthy ones because the unhealthy ones are FAMILIAR and that reads as safety MORE than the healthy situation does. We want to be consistent because society promises us that when we are, we will be rewarded with safety.
But the reality is, again, consistency is never going to exist. Not really.
So how can we work WITH that? How can we be honest with ourselves around what we ARE capable of doing in terms of structure so that we feel supportive/can be supportive, without expecting ourselves to be something totally unnatural and impossible? How do we show up for the stability we can create, without expecting machines of ourselves?
It's hard, because again what we're capable of is always going to change.
Those warning pages - or any kind of checking in with ourselves and self honesty - I think that's the ticket. Allowing ourselves to admit the fear we have and not being in total control is also key.
Then finding the stability that IS available within the inevitable chaos.
Ah, how refreshing! Raw honesty and “imperfect”, just like ME. Thank goodness I’m not alone. I hope you can regain your stamina soon, but even if not, know you are loved for exactly who you are .
In all my decades I have marveled at how others can be consistent. I also can not. My bodymind refuses any regime that requires a daily rote existence and yet has allowed me to do thrilling projects . . . The writing of books, the creation of exhibitions, the birthing of a child and of multiple human organizations and programs. I am consistent as you are . . . In my indefatigable pursuit of ideas that interest me and my love for communities of people to share those interests and adventures with . . . Glad you’re back, but also know we can all carry-on when you’re recuperating ... we’ll be here each time you resurface.
I am guessing that people follow you for your spirit, not your production. And we’re here to support your whole being, which definitely holds space for the fall-down whatever times, or the “can’t motivate” times. All is integral. Brava for seeing it and talking about it. It’s not easy to have so many people waiting on you! Be there for you and we will receive what you find there. 💓
Love this Ro. I'm guilty of saying "consistency" when ppl ask for Substack advice. But theres something very cool about this reframe you've offered: being consistent in your own way; consistent with your own rhythms, consistent in human inconsistency! Self compassion all the way and this newsletter is already generous by its mere existence. Love to you xxx
And you're so right! I've been in awe both of your ability to be consistent and your courage in easing back when you need it. So much love, Emma xoxoxoxoxo
Awww Go easy on yourself. The ebb and flow of creativity is difficult as it is, but when we bring in the pressure of creating a newsletter and readers that depend on us, the pressure to create is intensified. Creativity is not linear. This is a great example of that and as a reader of your amazing work, I appreciate that you showed up today to share your story about the side of the creative life that most people don’t talk about. This helped me to give myself some grace today for the way that my creativity and energy follow natural shifts, just like the seasons, the moon cycles and life.
Imperfect, inconsistent beautiful human. I am glad to hear from you! I am so sorry about the meds, I understand the transition. Thank goodness for the support you have. Our little units keep it going in one form or another.
I appreciate you sharing your realness. And no worries at all. I am happy to continue to support. The road of mom, writer, multidimensional being is head spinning and I am glad to have your thoughts about it whenever they come. With Kindness, Rae
Thanks for these beautiful insights on consistency. You’re so right - in accepting my inconsistency, it would open the door to communicate better. Ironically the energy of acceptance makes everything feel easier and gives me back more of the energy to write the dang email, too. Glad you’re taking the time you need and always love reading you!
is still here, surrounding you with gentleness and respect. In the recent episode of ‘Bewildered’, your discomfort was audible and the process of understanding how physical pain and fatigue move us through inconsistency, was helpful to me. I am here, in your community, by choice. Write on, dear one.
Dec 3, 2022·edited Dec 6, 2022Liked by Rowan Mangan
Hi Ro, thanks for your Update🤗
It resonated so much with me, as i am also presently not updating my community with whom i share responsibility for chicken, that i will be living with my family due to an illness. because although i had not been there for a month or so, i kept thinking "ill get back any day now" which i didn't.
I love everything about your message. I hope that you are not too hard on yourself still, for not posting on here. A warm hug from a young inventurer friend🥰
Dec 3, 2022·edited Dec 5, 2022Liked by Rowan Mangan
A long time ago a therapist told me it was OK to renegotiate with myself. I was the person who always did what I said I’d do even even if it killed me, took all I had to give and left my in a puddle on the floor. I made a commitment. To break that commitment meant I’d failed. Harsh judgement, guilt and self-beat up ruled my world. And then I learned about renegotiating. To have grace for myself. To begin to trust that others will have grace for me as well. Dear Ro - I hope you felt held during this time ( or can feel now, looking back, that you were) because that is what I am feeling for you. I see you held. No judgement ever. Just grace and love.
I am so pleased you were able to write again. I agree our society has a big story about Consistency (aka All or Nothing) which mostly is a kind of shadow Ableism. It locks out those of us with inconsistent energy from sharing our gifts with the world. To our mutual detriment. I was very happy to support your space to recover & once again bestow your gifts upon us. And while you’ve been busy healing, you inspired me to take my own tentative steps in Substack: ‘Armchair Rebel’. Because the world needs our voices when we have the energy to raise them.
I quipped to my psychologist that ‘Rest is the Revolution, you know’ and she replied, ‘So that makes you an Armchair Rebel.’. I had to stop her while I wrote it down & said: ‘You know that public writing you keep saying I should do more of... “
I totally get you. I consistently (in spite of all the life coaching and best intentions) get caught in something that feels like a self-induced Bermuda Triangle. And when I am rescued from it (by myself or others) I’m like: That was easier than I thought it would be, why did it take me so long? Thanks for writing about it so gracefully, as always.
Hello beautiful, I’m sorry to hear about the medication integration bumpy ness and I’m so grateful for your generous sharing of what’s been going on behind the scenes and your reflections on consistency. I also have issues with consistency as someone with a chronic pain condition and I’m all for reclaiming the definition of consistency from the white knuckling patriarchal capitalist ableist norms! In solidarity and consistency in love, Amanda xxxx
First off, it's so good to hear that you're ok. That you're getting the support you need both medically, and that you had the TIME and SPACE to be able to slow down and take the rest you needed with all of this. I truly wish the whole world was safe enough for that - and you are so worthy of that safety.
Second, consistency in nature just doesn't exist - and isn't that reality one of the things that strikes the MOST fear into us as humans?
For all of human history, it's been the unknown, the change, the threat we didn't see coming, the drought following the harvest, the storm, the 'other tribe' that has caused us SO much of our pain and suffering. That quest we all have to find something settled, something permanent, something we can PREDICT and be ok within - it's us trying to find safety where safety can never, ever exist.
As 'evolving' humans, we've created SO many systems and structures that DO provide some semblance of consistency - we've figured out crop growing, shelter, weather prediction and so many other things that HAVE led to a sense of stasis where we can feel safe. But we've never been able to engineer change and the threat of that change out of our experience. And this is constantly lurking in the back or front of our minds, triggering us every time our plans get shaken.
I think in a lot of ways, when we try to make OURSELVES consistent - when we look for our 'personalities' or when we try to find that ONE CAREER that we can do forever or when we try to be the same socially all the time - we're looking to find some form of security within ourselves. We're trying to make ourselves that safe place of predictability we haven't been able to find 'out there.' We can even see that people will seek out unhealthy relationships and circumstances over healthy ones because the unhealthy ones are FAMILIAR and that reads as safety MORE than the healthy situation does. We want to be consistent because society promises us that when we are, we will be rewarded with safety.
But the reality is, again, consistency is never going to exist. Not really.
So how can we work WITH that? How can we be honest with ourselves around what we ARE capable of doing in terms of structure so that we feel supportive/can be supportive, without expecting ourselves to be something totally unnatural and impossible? How do we show up for the stability we can create, without expecting machines of ourselves?
It's hard, because again what we're capable of is always going to change.
Those warning pages - or any kind of checking in with ourselves and self honesty - I think that's the ticket. Allowing ourselves to admit the fear we have and not being in total control is also key.
Then finding the stability that IS available within the inevitable chaos.
What a trip.
Ah, how refreshing! Raw honesty and “imperfect”, just like ME. Thank goodness I’m not alone. I hope you can regain your stamina soon, but even if not, know you are loved for exactly who you are .
I love your imperfections. Thank you for sharing. But my true response is IT’S OKAY.
In all my decades I have marveled at how others can be consistent. I also can not. My bodymind refuses any regime that requires a daily rote existence and yet has allowed me to do thrilling projects . . . The writing of books, the creation of exhibitions, the birthing of a child and of multiple human organizations and programs. I am consistent as you are . . . In my indefatigable pursuit of ideas that interest me and my love for communities of people to share those interests and adventures with . . . Glad you’re back, but also know we can all carry-on when you’re recuperating ... we’ll be here each time you resurface.
Thank you Micki, i needed to hear this today, too.
I am guessing that people follow you for your spirit, not your production. And we’re here to support your whole being, which definitely holds space for the fall-down whatever times, or the “can’t motivate” times. All is integral. Brava for seeing it and talking about it. It’s not easy to have so many people waiting on you! Be there for you and we will receive what you find there. 💓
Love this Ro. I'm guilty of saying "consistency" when ppl ask for Substack advice. But theres something very cool about this reframe you've offered: being consistent in your own way; consistent with your own rhythms, consistent in human inconsistency! Self compassion all the way and this newsletter is already generous by its mere existence. Love to you xxx
And you're so right! I've been in awe both of your ability to be consistent and your courage in easing back when you need it. So much love, Emma xoxoxoxoxo
Awww Go easy on yourself. The ebb and flow of creativity is difficult as it is, but when we bring in the pressure of creating a newsletter and readers that depend on us, the pressure to create is intensified. Creativity is not linear. This is a great example of that and as a reader of your amazing work, I appreciate that you showed up today to share your story about the side of the creative life that most people don’t talk about. This helped me to give myself some grace today for the way that my creativity and energy follow natural shifts, just like the seasons, the moon cycles and life.
Take care of you
Mary Ann
Imperfect, inconsistent beautiful human. I am glad to hear from you! I am so sorry about the meds, I understand the transition. Thank goodness for the support you have. Our little units keep it going in one form or another.
I appreciate you sharing your realness. And no worries at all. I am happy to continue to support. The road of mom, writer, multidimensional being is head spinning and I am glad to have your thoughts about it whenever they come. With Kindness, Rae
Thanks for these beautiful insights on consistency. You’re so right - in accepting my inconsistency, it would open the door to communicate better. Ironically the energy of acceptance makes everything feel easier and gives me back more of the energy to write the dang email, too. Glad you’re taking the time you need and always love reading you!
Rowan, the community of ‘Wild Inventures’
is still here, surrounding you with gentleness and respect. In the recent episode of ‘Bewildered’, your discomfort was audible and the process of understanding how physical pain and fatigue move us through inconsistency, was helpful to me. I am here, in your community, by choice. Write on, dear one.
Hi Ro, thanks for your Update🤗
It resonated so much with me, as i am also presently not updating my community with whom i share responsibility for chicken, that i will be living with my family due to an illness. because although i had not been there for a month or so, i kept thinking "ill get back any day now" which i didn't.
I love everything about your message. I hope that you are not too hard on yourself still, for not posting on here. A warm hug from a young inventurer friend🥰
love, Valerie
A long time ago a therapist told me it was OK to renegotiate with myself. I was the person who always did what I said I’d do even even if it killed me, took all I had to give and left my in a puddle on the floor. I made a commitment. To break that commitment meant I’d failed. Harsh judgement, guilt and self-beat up ruled my world. And then I learned about renegotiating. To have grace for myself. To begin to trust that others will have grace for me as well. Dear Ro - I hope you felt held during this time ( or can feel now, looking back, that you were) because that is what I am feeling for you. I see you held. No judgement ever. Just grace and love.
I am so pleased you were able to write again. I agree our society has a big story about Consistency (aka All or Nothing) which mostly is a kind of shadow Ableism. It locks out those of us with inconsistent energy from sharing our gifts with the world. To our mutual detriment. I was very happy to support your space to recover & once again bestow your gifts upon us. And while you’ve been busy healing, you inspired me to take my own tentative steps in Substack: ‘Armchair Rebel’. Because the world needs our voices when we have the energy to raise them.
Thank you, Michelle! And I can't wait to read Armchair Rebel! (AMAZING title!) xoxoxo
I quipped to my psychologist that ‘Rest is the Revolution, you know’ and she replied, ‘So that makes you an Armchair Rebel.’. I had to stop her while I wrote it down & said: ‘You know that public writing you keep saying I should do more of... “
Dear Roey
I totally get you. I consistently (in spite of all the life coaching and best intentions) get caught in something that feels like a self-induced Bermuda Triangle. And when I am rescued from it (by myself or others) I’m like: That was easier than I thought it would be, why did it take me so long? Thanks for writing about it so gracefully, as always.
Love
Ryan
Hello beautiful, I’m sorry to hear about the medication integration bumpy ness and I’m so grateful for your generous sharing of what’s been going on behind the scenes and your reflections on consistency. I also have issues with consistency as someone with a chronic pain condition and I’m all for reclaiming the definition of consistency from the white knuckling patriarchal capitalist ableist norms! In solidarity and consistency in love, Amanda xxxx
PS so happy to have you back here however and whenever it feels love giving to you! X
I loved this post. I’m happy that you are okay. Wishing you the best ♥️